A couple of my oldest pals recently splashed out on a new entertainment system and on a recent visit I was treated to a great episode of the popular BBC comedy Mock the Week

The particular episode had a featured section of: Unlikely Lines From Children’s Books and these examples made me chuckle:-

(Panting slightly) Jack, do you have any more of those beans?

“These bacon sandwiches are delicious”, said Pooh, “Aren’t they Piglet…Piglet?”

A stringfellow, what’s a stringfellow?
Why didn’t you know?
it has tanned leather skin,
a massive libido,
bad 80′s hair
and a grin like a paedo!

This little piggie went to market
This little piggie stayed home
This little piggie went (cough! cough!) and died of swine flu

Let’s learn the alphabet…
A is for ADOPTED…like YOU

…and as Eeyore put the noose around his neck…

(in Hip-hop accent) “Yeah Yeah wot a big TV screen you got grandma”, said little red riding Hoodie.

Where’s…GADDAFI?

As the train pulled slowly passed, the Railway children chucked stones at it and spraypainted “THOMAS is a WANKER!” on the sides.

“Oh dear”, said Postman Pat “I’ve just had sex with my cat Jess…I should have gone to SpecSavers”

So Emily learned…if she had been a nicer little girl, then Mummy and Daddy would never have got divorced.

“Do you know what”, said the very hungry Caterpiller, “This gastric band has changed my life”

“This is Pooh corner”, explained one of the other captives.

Unfortunately, Bob the Builder couldn’t fix it, because Bobski the Polish builder had undercut him and done a far better job.

But despite his protests, Mr Tickle was put on the register.

“Have you heard about Badger?”, said Ratty, “He’s been gassed to stop the spread of Bovine TB.”

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