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The diaTribe blog is our occasional take on life, the universe and everything. Observations on current affairs, the environment, politics, humour and music/gig reviews. Travel diary and extreme sports stories, along with the usual rants/raves are also chucked in for good measure.

March 2009
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Dante’s Hell (updated)

Dante Image

I really love some of the things that StumbleUpon throws up every now and again.

Last night, I stumbled upon quite a cool little web form, which allows you to design your own hell. You simply select categories of the condemned (or a few notorious individuals), organize them accordingly into the various circles of your hell and push the button.

Hey presto! out pops an HTML snippet containing the 9 circles of hell and their special guest stars as selected by you.

The version I found was a bit Americanized so I’ve updated mine to give it a flavour more in keeping with the British, but which I’m sure will get a few nods from readers in other countries too.

The Divine Comedy (updated)

General asswipes
Circle I Limbo

Parents who let their squalling brats run riot in public places
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Tabloid journalists, Reality TV producers,Celebrity magazine writers,editors,participants,fans and readers
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Slack-jawed shop assistants, lazy car mechanics and builders, bank managers, council workers and chavs
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Weasel-wording marketing moonies, spin doctors, politicans, civil servants and the PC brigade
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Hardline religious fundamentalists of all “faiths”, Creationists, Scientologists and other perpetrators of total bollocks
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Corrupt CEOs, Merchant bankers and hedge fund managers, GM-pushing biopharma scum, Oil company execs, Weapons manufacturers and anyone who has ever worked for Vivendi
Circle VII Burning Sands

Bill Gates
Circle VIII Immersed in Excrement

George Bush (and Donald Trump?)
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

I wondered if the punishments should also be updated to be more relevant to the new Millenium as well (for example the idea of freezing George Bush in ice is far less appealing than forcing him to watch Michael Moore films for all eternity. Or making Bill Gates use the only Windows PC in a totally open-source / Mac-OS environment with the CTRL+ALT+D keys disabled…WHILE being immersed in excrement has real appeal).

Who should be added and how should they be punished? We want to hear your comments and suggestions!

I think Dante would’ve approved…

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5 Comments for: Dante’s Hell (updated)

  1. Visitor Comment # 1
    Alice Krauss : (Visitor)

    All celebritys should be trapped in a room with 1000s of people who have no idea who they are

  2. Visitor Comment # 2
    Adam Rogers : (Visitor)

    The bankers responsible for the current financial crisis should have to repay their debts by working as slaves for those they stole from at a salary of one buck every 100 years earth time.

  3. Visitor Comment # 3
    Pete Smith : (Visitor)

    Can parents who let their kids run riot be beaten with rattles for the rest of eternity?

  4. Visitor Comment # 4

    Bush should be made to eat lead and drink oil!

  5. Author Comment # 5

    UPDATE: Link to hell generator no longer valid. Damn!

Sorry, comments for this article (Dante’s Hell (updated)) are now closed.

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