Tag ArchivesFor the word: humor
Always Wear Underwear
Always wear underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle.
Taken from an Brisbane newspaper…
From the local paper comes this story of a Brisbane couple who drove their car to the shopping centre, only to have their car break down in the car park. The husband told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from under the chassis.
Unfortunately. although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarassment, she dutifully stepped forward and quickly put her hand up his shorts and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by watching.
The R.A.C mechanic however had to have three stitches in his forehead
+42Politicans and Pullets
Election time has rolled around again.
With the upcoming Scottish Independence Referendum and the New Zealand Elections, here is a story for all voters to think about, when they enter the polling stations:-
Old Butch
Bert was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young ‘pullets’ and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
Berts’ favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To Bert’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring. He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
Bert was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Brisbane City Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the “No Bell Piece Prize,” but they also awarded him the “Pulletsurprise” as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention…
Vote carefully in the next election, you can’t always hear the bells!
Idem dominus dux vetus adversus novam (meet the new boss, same as the old boss)
+49
Rant: Weasel Wording Down Under
And they wonder why we are all so cynical about politics… 
Heather English is a retired school teacher now living in Invercargill. She has been an avid amateur genealogy researcher for about 35 years.
+38The dark art of Navigation Manager
In a slight departure from our normal style and content, and especially for my fellow RedDot CMS sufferers, I modestly offer my first white paper, submitted to Markus Giesen’s Unofficial RedDot CMS blog.
Markus has turned it into a proper article and made it available to download as well. Hope you find it useful…
+34Mission: Impossible Questions
After 3 days of battling a particularly nasty flu virus, I reluctantly emerged bleary-eyed and bunged up, from a mountain of sweaty bed linen, tissues and nasal spray bottles, after my fever broke (and the hot water bottle sprung a leak).
After cursing the second-rate nature of all British domestic goods, I managed to drag my carcass downstairs and park it on the couch. Su was watching some episodes of the original 1967 series of Mission: Impossible so I tried to take my mind off my spiraling temperature and wet socks (the hot water bottle was across my feet when it leaked) and tried to tune in to the episode plots.
+22