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The diaTribe blog is our occasional take on life, the universe and everything. Observations on current affairs, the environment, politics, humour and music/gig reviews. Travel diary and extreme sports stories, along with the usual rants/raves are also chucked in for good measure.

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May19

Idiot Sightings

A friend of mine sent me the following recently. What can you say but … weep for the PRESENT (especially in St Albans!)

Idiot Sighting 1

My daughter and I went to the McDonald’s check-out to pay our bill and I gave the clerk a £5 note. Our total bill was £4.20, so I also handed her a 20 pence piece.

She said, ‘You gave me too much money.’

I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me £1 back.’

She sighed and went to get the Manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the 20 pence and said ‘We’re sorry but we do not do that kind of thing.’ and then proceeded to give me back 80 pence in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McDonald’s in St Albans , Hertfordshire!

Idiot Sighting 2

We had to have the garage door repaired. The GARADOR repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener.

I told him that we already had the largest one GARADOR made at that time, a ½ horsepower.

He shook his head and said, ‘You need a ¼ horsepower.’

I responded that ½ was larger than ¼ and he said, ‘NOOO, it’s not. Four is larger than two..’

…We haven’t used Garador repair since.
Happened in Moor Park , near Watford.

Idiot Sighting 3

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the Highways Department to request the removal of the ‘DEER CROSSING’ sign from our road.

The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars on this stretch of road! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing, any-more.’
Story from Potters Bar, Hertfordshire.

Idiot Sighting 4

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’

To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’

He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’

Happened at Luton Airport

Idiot Sighting 5

The traffic light on the corner buzzes when the lights turn red and it is safe to cross the road.

I was crossing a friend of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?!’

She is a Local County Council employee in St Albans , Hertfordshire. And she’s NOT blonde)

Idiot Sighting 6

When my partner and I arrived at our local Ford dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.

We went to the Service Department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the Driver’s door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door-handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

"Hey," I shouted to the Fitter/Mechanic, "it’s open!"

His reply: ‘I know. I already did that side.’
This was at the Ford dealership in St Albans , Hertfordshire.

STAY ALERT! They walk among us…

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