After the fiasco in Sudan where a teacher has been jailed for 15 days for calling a class teddy bear “Muhammad”, I’ve decided to jump on the bandwagon too…by starting a new worldwide religion (after all, if L.Ron Hubbard can do it then so can I).

This new religion (which I shall call “Methylated Spiritualism”) will consider the following social groups, items and practices as sacrilegious:-

• any form of taxation
• all fans of any TV show with the word “celebrity” in the title
• anyone who has a beard and wears sandals on the beach
• the color pink
• clouds
• newts
• socks with holes in

…once we’ve got enough followers (the first couple of items should ensure we get plenty of them) we can then concentrate on ranting and raving that anyone who makes any mention of the remaining items in any context is a heretic who should be put to death.

We can expand, change or reinterpret the list at our leisure and because our objections are on “religious” grounds, they will of course be respected no matter how ridiculously medieval they may be.

Fortunately (for the rest of the world) this will never happen – mainly because I’ve committed heresy already (every pair of socks I have has holes) and I have therefore been forced to stone myself to death…

Damn!

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