Navigation:

Find in this Blog

About diaTribe

The diaTribe blog is our occasional take on life, the universe and everything. Observations on current affairs, the environment, politics, humour and music/gig reviews. Travel diary and extreme sports stories, along with the usual rants/raves are also chucked in for good measure.

December 2024
M T W T F S S
« Feb    
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  

Categories

Recent Articles

Archives

Friends of diaTribe

Blogs Worth Visiting

Syndicate this blog

What is RSS?

Other Links

We Support Wikipedia
Wikipedia Affliate Button

Stop ISP snooping! Oppose Phorm

Stop PHORM!

If they have their way all your web browsing history will be collected and sold to the highest bidder.

Fight back!

Technology at it's most pointless
Jul31

Post-Brexit open letter to the British PM

Open letter to Teresa May

Dear Ms. May,

Please find below our suggestion for fixing the UK ‘s economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

  1. They MUST retire. Ten million job openings – unemployment fixed
  2. They MUST buy a new British car. Ten million cars ordered – Car Industry fixed.
  3. They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage – Housing Crisis fixed
  4. They MUST send their kids to school/college/university – Crime rate fixed
  5. They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week (there’s your money back in duty/tax etc)

…It can’t get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances!

+45
  
Comments Off
Jan30

Parting Glass

This is what I want played at my funeral…

+38
  
2 Comments
Dec15

Truths about Government

Truer words are rarely spoken. Here’s 15 quotable quotes that pretty much cover what government is…and always has been.

… more »

+59
  
Comments Off
Nov30

Always Wear Underwear

Always wear underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle.

Taken from an Brisbane newspaper

From the local paper comes this story of a Brisbane couple who drove their car to the shopping centre, only to have their car break down in the car park. The husband told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from under the chassis.

Unfortunately. although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarassment, she dutifully stepped forward and quickly put her hand up his shorts and tucked everything back into place.

On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by watching.

The R.A.C mechanic however had to have three stitches in his forehead

+42
  
Comments Off
Sep18

Politicans and Pullets

Election time has rolled around again.

With the upcoming Scottish Independence Referendum and the New Zealand Elections, here is a story for all voters to think about, when they enter the polling stations:-

Old Butch

Bert was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young ‘pullets’ and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Berts’ favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Bert’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring. He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

Bert was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Brisbane City Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the “No Bell Piece Prize,” but they also awarded him the “Pulletsurprise” as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention…

Vote carefully in the next election, you can’t always hear the bells!

Idem dominus dux vetus adversus novam (meet the new boss, same as the old boss)

+49
  
Comments Off
Jul12

More MTW one-liners

Funny one-liners from a recent epiosode of “Mock the week“:-

  • I bought a slimming magazine in WH Smiths. I didn’t read it; I just wanted the big bar of Galaxy chocolate for a quid.
  • I was in a lingerie shop; I asked: “are these knickers satin?” and the sales assistant said: “No, their new”.
  • I went to buy a Christmas tree. The bloke said: “are you going to put it up yourself?”. I said: “no, I was thinking of the living room”.
  • Bought a chameleon…lost it.
  • Why is it that when women go to the toilet in pairs, no-one minds, but when I did it, I got thrown out of the greengrocers.
  • I got into a fight with my acupuncturist…he said he had never felt better.
  • According to the vet, my cat is in Heat. I didn’t even know she was famous.
  • I bought an Advent calendar from a Jehovahs’ witness; behind every door is a little bloke telling me to fuck off.

…and more available here

+52
  
Comments Off
May12

A Man’s Best Friend

Doing the rounds but available on shitmydadsends.com.

A real woman is a man’s best friend.
She will never stand him up and never let him down.
She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.
She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to
Live without fear and forget regret.
She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to
His most intimate desires.
She will make sure he always feels as though he’s the most
Handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible…

No wait…
Sorry…

I’m thinking of whiskey. It’s whiskey that does all that shit.

Never mind.

+47
  
Comments Off

Valid CSS!

NoPhorm - No consent to intercept

Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act 2000 (RIPA) Notice

No consent is given for interception of transmission of any page in this site.