Yesterday, I had a light-hearted dig at a number of American chainstore franchises, which I think are pretty naff. A possibly-American reader, identifying himself only as “Dave”, took slight exception to this and pointed out that on this side of the pond, we aren’t much better.

While Dave seems to have missed the joke (that Australians occasionally have surprisingly good taste – honestly, it’s no fun if you have to *explain* it!) he’s absolutely right.

The UK is likewise full of chain-store franchises and big businesses, at least as naff as their American counterparts…and in many cases even worse.

An article in today’s Independent, about British Airways lousy lost bags record is a classic example. Apparently annual figures from the Air Transport Users Council show that in 2007 British Airways lost more baggage per flight than almost any other airline in Europe. I wonder if that includes the T5 fiasco?

Perhaps BA ought to resurrect one of their old 1989 campaigns, with this newer twist.

And I suppose that you can say that at least the Yanks have a certain flair for setting up chain-stores and franchises, in a format which is just never properly implemented here in Britain.
Take fast food for example; in the US, fast food stores at least have a small number of redeeming features (which are especially important for the weary traveler or the teenage road-tripper):-

1. The food is cheap
2. It’s served fast
3. You get the same standards of quality pretty much wherever you go

But here in old Blighty, I suspect that some lesser known government department (probably the “department of total bastards from hell” or some such), carefully removes these few benefits with a precision that most brain surgeons would envy.

The result is that the same US fast food franchises in the UK:-

1. Are expensive
2. Are slow
3. Vary wildly, especially in terms of both quality and cleanliness.

I confess I’ve never had food poisoning from a US fast food joint in the US, but I have had a dose or two from US fast food joints in the UK.

And of course, this naffness factor is not confined to the food sector. Many other examples abound (such as the Royal Mail, high street banks and the rail network, to name but a few).

I think Dave and I can agree that crap franchises and naff businesses are not confined solely to the US and that when they are exported to the UK, they are even worse.

But that still doesn’t excuse the Starbucks coffee.

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