A page from Tony’s diary
Pacific Tour Notes
Things to Remember:-
- Australia – Give pep talk to Howard’s “blokez” encouranging the Ozzies to stay on in Iraq and Afghanistan.
NOTE: Try not to stand too close to the John Howard android (that the CIA installed a few years back) during press photo opportunities, in case people realise I’m actually pulling the string in the middle of it’s back (in order to make it do that fake smile and animatronic wave). ‘Strewth’ - New Zealand – make sure the environment card is played and talk passionately about the need for a “technological revolution comparable to the internet” – try to play down the fact that the UK will fail to meet its own carbon emission reduction targets and that the cost of cleaning up the UK’s EXISTING nuclear power plants is likely to exceed £70bn. Smile a lot. ‘Strewth’
- Indonesia – Bit tricky this one. Need to press the flesh again and pledge support for the moderate Islam cause (while carefully avoiding any form of commitment to withdraw from Iraq).
Reminder – Pack bulletproof vest (just in case)
Other stuff
a. Cancel newspapers and milk for no. 10
b. Get someone in to water the plants and feed the goldfish (NOT Gordon)
c. Phone George to ask him if he wants me to bring him back a T-shirt.
d. Complete application for ID card (at least this can be put off a little!)
NOTE: Tell Charles to stop crying!
e. Remember to bank the cheques into the party account and approve the peerages.
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